India: Where Forts Are Endless, The Food’s Divine, and Your Tour Guide Might Just Adopt You

Ah, India. A place where your taste buds do the tango, your legs put in more mileage than a marathoner, and your mind gets blown by a thousand years of history… daily. It’s exhausting, it’s exhilarating, and it’s a one-time deal for me at the moment.

Maybe this will change over time. It might be like giving birth? After 2 years, you forget the pain and want to go again.

Food That Deserves Its Own Fan Club

If food were a religion, India could possibly be its holy land. I’m talking butter chicken so creamy it could moonlight as skincare and naan that doubles as edible clouds. The spice? Just enough to make my mouth tingle without needing a fire extinguisher. See me drooling over the spread before attacking it like a hungry tiger. We did NOT experience Delhi belly during our entire stay, and that was AWESOME!!!!!

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Forts. So Many Forts.

Here’s the thing about India: every city has a fort. And every fort is somehow both completely unique and exactly the same. Don’t get me wrong, I was completely excited for the first three. The intricate carvings, the sheer scale, the “wait, how did they build this without power tools?” factor—it’s jaw-dropping.

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But after Fort #4, I started mixing them up. Was that the one with the underground tunnel system? Or the one with the 3,000 monkeys? Either way, after climbing yet another flight of red fortress stairs in the midday sun, my calves were staging a mutiny. The kids were absolute troopers until their separate breakdowns happened. We legitimately have fort trauma now. The simple mention of the F word leads to aggressive Seriously????s, Why???s, and How Many????s. Really not sure how to do that grammatically and I really don’t care.

The other issue for me was the majority of the forts were from the Sultan reigns, and I was much more interested in the Hindu history. I was able to fill that bucket in Udaipur, which I was excited about and really enjoyed.

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The Great Udaipur-to-Delhi Train Adventure

Let me tell you about the overnight train from Udaipur to Delhi—a mode of transport that’s part adventure, part endurance test, and all unforgettable. First things first: Domino’s delivers to your train car. Yes, Domino’s pizza, but with corn on it. CORN. Is it weird? Sure. Did we eat every slice? Absolutely. Sometimes you just need comfort food while rumbling across the Indian countryside at 2 a.m.

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Then there was the bathroom situation. On one end of the train: a “western” toilet that looked like it had survived a minor explosion. On the other end? A traditional squat toilet. Imagine a yoga pose combined with a balance exercise, then throw in the shaky, swaying movement of a speeding train. It’s a rite of passage, folks, and I came out stronger (and more grateful for modern plumbing).

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The bunks themselves? Surprisingly cozy, once you block out the sound of the occasional train whistle and the inevitable snoring symphony from neighboring compartments. And as you wake up to a pink-hued sunrise peeking through the dusty train windows, you can’t help but feel “experienced.”

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Tour Guides: The Real MVPs

Now, let me introduce you to the real heroes of our trip: the tour guides. These legends not only know everything (seriously, I quizzed them like a game show host), but they’re also part historian, part comedian, and part protectors.

Here are some of the awesome activities they arranged for us:

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Our Agra guide was not merely an expert photographer at the Taj, he was a maestro behind the lens, capturing the spirit of our journey with flair! The elephant experience was a delightful blend of awe and whimsy. Gazing into their HUGE, soulful eyes was very impactful. The clothing design sessions were the cherry on top of our adventure; I was able to use the creative part of my brain to design something other than houses! And let’s not forget the pottery class; it was entertainingly messy, and the matriarch of the home was rushing to bring us towels every five minutes!

Notes on the henna: It does not dry quickly. I highly recommend you don’t have your children get henna while in the middle of the tour as they may rub the ink on the forts, your clothes, their clothes, other people’s clothes, etc.

The Verdict: Exhausted but Ecstatic

Was I tired? Yes. Did I question my life choices halfway up the 7,000th fort stair? Also yes. But would I do it all over again? Probably not right now. Plain and simple, India is crazy. I will say, it has made EVERYWHERE else we have traveled a breeze, and that is worth it’s weight in gold.