Africa Adventures: Part 3 (Stinky Swakopmund)

Ok – so this title is not technically fair as Swakopmund smelled perfectly fine. We headed to the coastal town after our sand dune navigations. There was a significant temperature shift. It went from around 95 degrees Fahrenheit to around 52 and extremely windy.

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Pro Tip: If you are traveling the world, bring your parka if you have one! I debated this idea because they can be big and bulky but I can’t believe how many times I have ended up using it. I have used it as a coat, blanket, pillow and fragile item protection.

Back to Swakopmund. We ended up staying at a hotel for this section. The main activities are the seal colony, dunes that meet the ocean, and go karts. Ok, the last one is not necessarily true, but I think the kids would say it is a reason to go there.

We ate at a nearby establishment called Tiger Reef and met some locals. They were so excited to see some Americans in the area. They were younger, late teens to early twenties, and sounded well traveled. They were talking about all the countries they had visited but stated they haven’t gone to America because it’s too dangerous. I let them know they were 100% right, and there was a 25% chance of getting shot if you travel to America, and that increases to 45% if they drive a car there.

They informed us about the awesome go karts down the road, snakes that come out of the drains in Etosha, and that if you ever interact with a baboon, you must throw rocks at them and DO NOT give them ANYTHING. This was all advice we took very seriously because they were not kidding around.

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We took a tour the next day to the ocean dunes. This is where we learned a lot about the Chinese building infrastructures in Namibia. The country is very rich in minerals, and the Chinese are investing heavily. The corruption of the Namibian government is creating a structure that is allowing the Chinese to essentially own Namibia’s resources without recourse. Government officials are receiving large payments to allow the Chinese to build mines in the country that they outright control.

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Namibia is losing a lot of opportunities here. The other sneaky thing the Chinese are doing is building roads for free and saying, “Ohhh you don’t need to pay us back.” Then they turn around and demand favors. Nothing is for free, and this is going to play out interestingly. Many locals seem to be very concerned at the changes they are seeing and express sadness to be losing this beautiful country to them.

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On a very interesting note, the US seems to be taking a bit of an interest here. They just built a brand new, HUGE US embassy. I think Namibia is a country to watch as these two giants start to tangle horns.

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Back to dunes and oceans. We saw ruby sand for the first time in our lives. The rich minerals come from neighboring rivers and create beautiful sand like the picture below. Our driver was a real life cowboy, who listened to American country, wore a cowboy hat and drove like the wind. He was fantastic, and his name was Andre!!

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Next we ventured to seal town. HOLY CRAP, that was the worst smell I have ever experienced in my life. It was DISGUSTING. Maybe the baby ones were kind of cute, but I have decided seals are disgusting.

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Whenever I watch nature shows, I am always rooting for the seal to get off the ice cap and evade the evil killer whales. This has changed. I have never wanted to see a pod of orcas more in my life. Due to the location of this colony, they have literally no predators. There are tons of them, and they clearly just keep reproducing, shitting, farting, fighting, and whining (OMG the WHINING) in this vicious cycle. Gooooo orcas and sharks, eat’em up!!!!!!!

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Jeff loved it. They are his new fav animal. He thought it was awesome and thought their sounds were hysterical.

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After surviving stinky town, we headed the next day to the best go karts in the world. Sure it was a random-as-hell, middle-of-nowhere place. However, those karts were SOOOO fast. There was an intense, highly dangerous race between the family members. Andre is a crazy daredevil. The rules were very clear, no bumping. Andre had zero issue, swerving back and forth, highly aggressively, to prevent you from passing. However, if you found an opening, and started to pass, that Ricky Bobby bastard would try his damnedest to knock you and spin you out.

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I have never been so scared passing someone in my life. The karts were like real Mario Kart. The boys both said they had mad respect for the MK characters after the race. I was the legit champion, having the fastest lap speed by .47 seconds and finishing the race first. I say this because Jeff, who has difficulty admitting flat out defeat, said he had to be safe around the kids and that is why I finished first. I told him he just needs to take the “L” and check out the lap times.